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Hello my friends. I know, another journal full of "I'm sorry"-ies, but I can't help it. I've been down lately, so down that even the deepest pits of hell seemed nicer than this place. I'm always sad, and empty, and everything or most things have lost their meaning to me again.
I'm a shitty friend, and sister... I am a shitty soulmate.
No, don't tell me that I'm not, because I am, I know I am. I've been thinking about stuff, stuff I shouldn't think about and then I get so sad and so angry and so... empty. I should've been used to feel empty, why the hell aren't I used to that? I've always been empty.
My work is keeping me grounded somehow. Kids, a few of them, have shown an immerse trust in me. But how can you trust someone who doesn't trust themselves?
I'll be back eventually, you don't need to worry about me. You really don't.
I'm a shitty friend, and sister... I am a shitty soulmate.
No, don't tell me that I'm not, because I am, I know I am. I've been thinking about stuff, stuff I shouldn't think about and then I get so sad and so angry and so... empty. I should've been used to feel empty, why the hell aren't I used to that? I've always been empty.
My work is keeping me grounded somehow. Kids, a few of them, have shown an immerse trust in me. But how can you trust someone who doesn't trust themselves?
I'll be back eventually, you don't need to worry about me. You really don't.
It had been some time
Hello reader,
It had been some time, aren't I right? Since I came here, I mean. So much has changed. I have changed so much, grew up so much, learned so much.
But in the end, I still made thousands of mistakes. Tiny ones, big ones, small ones, huge ones. They still ended up breaking my heart, chipping away at my sanity.
Either way, dear reader, it is done. And I am here.
With love,
Maja
And I'm here again.
Hello everyone.
Aren't I horrible? It's been such a long time since I wrote a journal here. Since I even looked at DeviantArt. Since I wrote.
But I was trying. I was trying so much, my dears.
How are you doing, anyway?
Or, a few of you might ask, what was I doing for such a long time?
Trying to live. Trying to survive. Surviving.
Living is a terrible thing when all you knew before is survival. And me trying to exist or even COEXIST with other people was something that -- to me -- seemed like a thing that's never going to happen.
Those are the troubles of an INFP. A troubled soul. An old soul, to some
I have to apologize
Okay, so first of all: How are you guys doing I know I'm a terrible person for ignoring deviantart for so long and then suddenly showing up and bothering you with pointless status posts and depressive poetry things that even I know aren't worthy of your time and yet I still find myself to write them I'm so so so sorry but I'm a piece of crap, please forgive me?
Now, back to the task at hand. I'm sorry (again) for not writing this thing sooner. I have to make it a habit of mine, to write a journal thing, because otherwise you'll only see the depressive stuff and you may think God-Knows-What I'm doing with my life. And I don't want you to be s
And for a while, I gave up
Heya~! Seems to me like I was ignoring dA, again. I'm so sorry sweets, I really am. I don't know what's happening to me anymore, one minute I'm doing great and I feel like I have my life together, and the next I want to cease to exist. I don't know what is happening.
Also, work, work is keeping me on my toes most of the time~ I hope that tomorrow will be fine. I have 15-26 kids under my care most of the time, but they're pretty young so it's okay, I'll simply play with them. I like working there, I realized. I like working. I'm not sure if I'll ever try University again.
I'm actually thinking about trying it again, but then I remember how
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Because children have a habit of seeing things that others may not. You only see the the worst in yourself, as does everyone at one time or another, but from another one's perspective, they see the good in you and so trust you. Big