PongIsIT
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It had been some time
1 min read
Hello reader,
It had been some time, aren't I right? Since I came here, I mean. So much has changed. I have changed so much, grew up so much, learned so much.
But in the end, I still made thousands of mistakes. Tiny ones, big ones, small ones, huge ones. They still ended up breaking my heart, chipping away at my sanity.
Either way, dear reader, it is done. And I am here.
With love,
Maja
It had been some time, aren't I right? Since I came here, I mean. So much has changed. I have changed so much, grew up so much, learned so much.
But in the end, I still made thousands of mistakes. Tiny ones, big ones, small ones, huge ones. They still ended up breaking my heart, chipping away at my sanity.
Either way, dear reader, it is done. And I am here.
With love,
Maja
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And I'm here again.
3 min read
Hello everyone.
Aren't I horrible? It's been such a long time since I wrote a journal here. Since I even looked at DeviantArt. Since I wrote.
But I was trying. I was trying so much, my dears.
How are you doing, anyway?
Or, a few of you might ask, what was I doing for such a long time?
Trying to live. Trying to survive. Surviving.
Living is a terrible thing when all you knew before is survival. And me trying to exist or even COEXIST with other people was something that -- to me -- seemed like a thing that's never going to happen.
Those are the troubles of an INFP. A troubled soul. An old soul, to some. A fool, to others. An idealist to a handful of people.
I'm anything but an idealist.
So, as I wished for, I've had work after six? Five? Months of being an unemployed piece of crap. Great right? It was.
For a time. For like three months.
Then, the people started pushing and pulling and asking and demanding.
Then the asshole touched me. Then another one wanted to date me, even though I've said no. And the same one then tried to coax me into sleeping with him.
"You need to unwind, Maja. Come on, suck on me a bit, I'm sure you'll like it when I'll go down on you."
And people wonder why women think that men are pigs? Because it's not just some men. Because he was the reason I was terrified of being there, of wearing things I was used to wear. He said that he'd like to come all over my bum.
And when I've said that to the Boss, he laughed and told me I'm overreacting. Perhaps my arse wasn't as nice to him.
Anyway. I stayed there for six months.
Then, I've changed work. Changed my job. I'm typing this while sitting in my office chair, in an office that I don't share with anyone. It's mine. My place. My world. Mine.
I hope it'll last...
All in all, I just... wanted to let you guys know. Things get better. Slowly, but they will.
I love every single one of you, and I missed you terribly.
Yours truly,
Pong~ <3
Aren't I horrible? It's been such a long time since I wrote a journal here. Since I even looked at DeviantArt. Since I wrote.
But I was trying. I was trying so much, my dears.
How are you doing, anyway?
Or, a few of you might ask, what was I doing for such a long time?
Trying to live. Trying to survive. Surviving.
Living is a terrible thing when all you knew before is survival. And me trying to exist or even COEXIST with other people was something that -- to me -- seemed like a thing that's never going to happen.
Those are the troubles of an INFP. A troubled soul. An old soul, to some. A fool, to others. An idealist to a handful of people.
I'm anything but an idealist.
So, as I wished for, I've had work after six? Five? Months of being an unemployed piece of crap. Great right? It was.
For a time. For like three months.
Then, the people started pushing and pulling and asking and demanding.
Then the asshole touched me. Then another one wanted to date me, even though I've said no. And the same one then tried to coax me into sleeping with him.
"You need to unwind, Maja. Come on, suck on me a bit, I'm sure you'll like it when I'll go down on you."
And people wonder why women think that men are pigs? Because it's not just some men. Because he was the reason I was terrified of being there, of wearing things I was used to wear. He said that he'd like to come all over my bum.
And when I've said that to the Boss, he laughed and told me I'm overreacting. Perhaps my arse wasn't as nice to him.
Anyway. I stayed there for six months.
Then, I've changed work. Changed my job. I'm typing this while sitting in my office chair, in an office that I don't share with anyone. It's mine. My place. My world. Mine.
I hope it'll last...
All in all, I just... wanted to let you guys know. Things get better. Slowly, but they will.
I love every single one of you, and I missed you terribly.
Yours truly,
Pong~ <3
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I've been gone, huh?
1 min read
Hello my friends. I know, another journal full of "I'm sorry"-ies, but I can't help it. I've been down lately, so down that even the deepest pits of hell seemed nicer than this place. I'm always sad, and empty, and everything or most things have lost their meaning to me again.
I'm a shitty friend, and sister... I am a shitty soulmate.
No, don't tell me that I'm not, because I am, I know I am. I've been thinking about stuff, stuff I shouldn't think about and then I get so sad and so angry and so... empty. I should've been used to feel empty, why the hell aren't I used to that? I've always been empty.
My work is keeping me grounded somehow. Kids, a few of them, have shown an immerse trust in me. But how can you trust someone who doesn't trust themselves?
I'll be back eventually, you don't need to worry about me. You really don't.
I'm a shitty friend, and sister... I am a shitty soulmate.
No, don't tell me that I'm not, because I am, I know I am. I've been thinking about stuff, stuff I shouldn't think about and then I get so sad and so angry and so... empty. I should've been used to feel empty, why the hell aren't I used to that? I've always been empty.
My work is keeping me grounded somehow. Kids, a few of them, have shown an immerse trust in me. But how can you trust someone who doesn't trust themselves?
I'll be back eventually, you don't need to worry about me. You really don't.
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I have to apologize
5 min read
Okay, so first of all: How are you guys doing I know I'm a terrible person for ignoring deviantart for so long and then suddenly showing up and bothering you with pointless status posts and depressive poetry things that even I know aren't worthy of your time and yet I still find myself to write them I'm so so so sorry but I'm a piece of crap, please forgive me?
Now, back to the task at hand. I'm sorry (again) for not writing this thing sooner. I have to make it a habit of mine, to write a journal thing, because otherwise you'll only see the depressive stuff and you may think God-Knows-What I'm doing with my life. And I don't want you to be scared for me, because I may be a piece of shit but I still have a few people to prove wrong, so there's still stuff for me to do. Also, I have to get back to writing, and edit, edit, edit, how I miss those days when I had nothing to edit. Eh, no matter, back to the task at hand.
My job will surely give me grey hair at the end of it. My contract ends in August, so after that I'm unemployed again. Funny, considering I wanted to end it all in August. Frick me, even now I'll add depressive stuff inside a silly journal thing. But yes, I wanted to. I'm not sure what I want to do now, it's only March, but my feelings are getting the best of me again and I'm more sad lately. Those few weeks I wasn't able to post stuff was because I'm hella tired and once I'm home, I sleep like a log. We had a stomach bug at school, and I've had a girl barf on me, because she wanted to mark me as her favorite teacher. Not the best kind of mark but yeah. Also, I give you a small advice: NEVER WORK WITH SOMEONE FROM YOUR TOWN/CITY/VILLAGE!!! It's simply TERRIBLE.
I work with two ladies from my hometown/village, and let me tell you it's HELL. I've had people look at me as if I've had grown a second head on my neck just because the STUFF they tell about me. Ugh, I hate gossip. They're pissed off because I'm not going to church every Sunday as a good Christian should. WELL, FUCK ME THEN, BECAUSE I THINK THAT I CAN BE CHRISTIAN EVEN IF I'M NOT WASTING MY TIME IN CHURCH AND I ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING RIGHT, LIKE PRAY AT HOME AND BASICALLY BE A GOOD PERSON WHO DOESN'T CARE IF SOMEONE IS GAY/STRAIGHT/ASEXUAL/BI/A LIZARD LOVER OR WHATEVER. YOU'RE A DECENT PERSON TO ME? OKAY, I'LL BE A DECENT PERSON TO YOU. YOU ACT LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT? I'LL IGNORE YOU. YOU'RE BOTHERING ME AND STILL ACT LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT? I'LL DESTROY YOUR STUPID ASS WITH PUNS OR LOGIC, YOU DECIDE.
So, again, back at the task at hand. We're renovating bathroom so every bit of my paycheck goes to that. I'm not angry at that, really, I'm pretty happy actually and I look forward to having a nicer looking bathroom. But I'll miss my bath. Also! I'm wondering if I should attend University again. If I've had a chance to keep my job as a teacher, I would have to, because I don't want to be a nuisance again. But if I didn't, would or should I try it again? I went on Uni once, and nearly died because I let stuff "get" to me. I'm just so... ugh.
So, weekend. It's Saturday, yay, and it went somehow okay. I was writing a bit, but I'll edit it today perhaps. I'm too lazy for that. I also have to edit a pet project of mine here, a fantasy story of sorts. It has to be perfect. Okay, I'm running now, there are some things I have to take care of.
Lova ya darlings~!!!
Now, back to the task at hand. I'm sorry (again) for not writing this thing sooner. I have to make it a habit of mine, to write a journal thing, because otherwise you'll only see the depressive stuff and you may think God-Knows-What I'm doing with my life. And I don't want you to be scared for me, because I may be a piece of shit but I still have a few people to prove wrong, so there's still stuff for me to do. Also, I have to get back to writing, and edit, edit, edit, how I miss those days when I had nothing to edit. Eh, no matter, back to the task at hand.
My job will surely give me grey hair at the end of it. My contract ends in August, so after that I'm unemployed again. Funny, considering I wanted to end it all in August. Frick me, even now I'll add depressive stuff inside a silly journal thing. But yes, I wanted to. I'm not sure what I want to do now, it's only March, but my feelings are getting the best of me again and I'm more sad lately. Those few weeks I wasn't able to post stuff was because I'm hella tired and once I'm home, I sleep like a log. We had a stomach bug at school, and I've had a girl barf on me, because she wanted to mark me as her favorite teacher. Not the best kind of mark but yeah. Also, I give you a small advice: NEVER WORK WITH SOMEONE FROM YOUR TOWN/CITY/VILLAGE!!! It's simply TERRIBLE.
I work with two ladies from my hometown/village, and let me tell you it's HELL. I've had people look at me as if I've had grown a second head on my neck just because the STUFF they tell about me. Ugh, I hate gossip. They're pissed off because I'm not going to church every Sunday as a good Christian should. WELL, FUCK ME THEN, BECAUSE I THINK THAT I CAN BE CHRISTIAN EVEN IF I'M NOT WASTING MY TIME IN CHURCH AND I ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING RIGHT, LIKE PRAY AT HOME AND BASICALLY BE A GOOD PERSON WHO DOESN'T CARE IF SOMEONE IS GAY/STRAIGHT/ASEXUAL/BI/A LIZARD LOVER OR WHATEVER. YOU'RE A DECENT PERSON TO ME? OKAY, I'LL BE A DECENT PERSON TO YOU. YOU ACT LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT? I'LL IGNORE YOU. YOU'RE BOTHERING ME AND STILL ACT LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT? I'LL DESTROY YOUR STUPID ASS WITH PUNS OR LOGIC, YOU DECIDE.
So, again, back at the task at hand. We're renovating bathroom so every bit of my paycheck goes to that. I'm not angry at that, really, I'm pretty happy actually and I look forward to having a nicer looking bathroom. But I'll miss my bath. Also! I'm wondering if I should attend University again. If I've had a chance to keep my job as a teacher, I would have to, because I don't want to be a nuisance again. But if I didn't, would or should I try it again? I went on Uni once, and nearly died because I let stuff "get" to me. I'm just so... ugh.
So, weekend. It's Saturday, yay, and it went somehow okay. I was writing a bit, but I'll edit it today perhaps. I'm too lazy for that. I also have to edit a pet project of mine here, a fantasy story of sorts. It has to be perfect. Okay, I'm running now, there are some things I have to take care of.
Lova ya darlings~!!! Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
And for a while, I gave up
2 min read
Heya~! Seems to me like I was ignoring dA, again. I'm so sorry sweets, I really am. I don't know what's happening to me anymore, one minute I'm doing great and I feel like I have my life together, and the next I want to cease to exist. I don't know what is happening.
Also, work, work is keeping me on my toes most of the time~ I hope that tomorrow will be fine. I have 15-26 kids under my care most of the time, but they're pretty young so it's okay, I'll simply play with them. I like working there, I realized.
I like working. I'm not sure if I'll ever try University again.
I'm actually thinking about trying it again, but then I remember how I almost died because of a person there and suddenly I just want to sleep. My moods are terrible. I'm actually crying right now, and I don't know why. I think about giving up, but then I remember that I have nothing to give up anymore.
I'm already living as a shell of a human being, so what else is there to give up?
At least I have a job, and a house, and food to eat. I shouldn't be so whiny... I'm so sorry...
Hopefully your day/evening is great~!
I love you~
Also, work, work is keeping me on my toes most of the time~ I hope that tomorrow will be fine. I have 15-26 kids under my care most of the time, but they're pretty young so it's okay, I'll simply play with them. I like working there, I realized.
I like working. I'm not sure if I'll ever try University again. I'm actually thinking about trying it again, but then I remember how I almost died because of a person there and suddenly I just want to sleep. My moods are terrible. I'm actually crying right now, and I don't know why. I think about giving up, but then I remember that I have nothing to give up anymore.
I'm already living as a shell of a human being, so what else is there to give up?
At least I have a job, and a house, and food to eat. I shouldn't be so whiny... I'm so sorry...
Hopefully your day/evening is great~!
I love you~
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