Sadness seeps out of me; my mouth, my ears, my nose, not even the pores of my skin are safe from the emotion. Or better to call my sadness something more, emotion doesn't seem to compare to the stabbing pain jarring, jamming itself deeper and deeper into my very core. It tries to get in as it gets out, sticking to me like second skin; my eyes, two lakes of lies, swearing I'm alright even when I am not. My heart a memory, my mind not my own anymore. What had happened to me; How could I let this happen to me
It started snowing again;
Looking at it now, she thought that maybe - just maybe - things would have turned to be fine;
better, brighter, lighter, kinder;
But it started snowing again;
The call of the void too strong to save the sanity of a woman that didn't know she could be saved;
sane;
And it is snowing again;
Heart broken to thousands of pieces, sharp as ice, cold as the winters night, as the hands that grasped her neck once;
And she was the culprit;
It started snowing again;
And this time it is all her fault.
Cold as a stone her lips were,
her tears salty as the sea;
but her eyes showed fires untamed.
And I would not break, she promised herself,
I would not break, I would not show them anything;
anything at all, no smiles, no happiness.
Deep into the night she wept,
her wails heard in the wind and caws of crows;
yet she persisted.
The morning came.
Small mystery in the sunlight, so red, so beautiful,
pretty as a picture, with her as a main character;
have she wept enough?
Have I wept enough?
Alone; alone have I waited
for the one reason to live,
or to have a better life,
alone; alone I was
'But you can never get away from yourself' my inner side told me once,
when I was so down I could drown myself in pills and suffering and alcohol.
What does it matter that I was only fourteen then, what would it matter if I
was only seven, since it was the start of my pain?
Now tell me, Socrates or Plato, or whoever is it up there and whoever from you
talked about life, why the hell is mine so messed up, why the hell am I the only
one who has barren ground in front of them while others have flowerbeds and poetry
and love and peace and laugh
My ceiling is white;
like the four falls around me;
and the floor is made of wood with
a weird shape.
Not knowing what is right and
what might be wrong, I often
found myself at the seemingly
middle ground.
It wasn't the case now;
now it's just me being this
obnoxious, loud human being
full of faults and regrets.
With a heart that was broken
one too many times;
with soul that was sold to someone
who didn't want it.
I cannot get it back now.
And that makes me livid.
Your heart, oh how your heart
called for me, how sweet was the sound.
Oh, and your eyes, how your eyes
shone so bright I couldn't look anywhere else.
And what of your hands, you wonder,
what was with your hands that I found mesmerizing?
Perhaps the fact that they could hold my own hands
and my throat at the same time.
Or perhaps I'm just as messed up as you are,
for staying with you is making me alive
but I'm feeling cold.
Everything you do affects everything there is,
I remembered, numbly staring in front of me.
Countless children under my care, always watching
with big, doe eyes, as if they knew secrets of the universe.
What of me, I wonder, what of useless child in an
adult world, adult body, with adult responsibilities.
One comes to me, big brown eyes chasing fear in mine,
she grasps my hand or sits on my knees and sleeps away.
But I still feel as if I was a rock, unchanging and cold,
lonely and dry, like something someone lost and never wanted back.
Too many snowflakes were eaten last night,
today my stomach feels like it's on fire.
It's time to eat
It started snowing again;
Looking at it now, she thought that maybe - just maybe - things would have turned to be fine;
better, brighter, lighter, kinder;
But it started snowing again;
The call of the void too strong to save the sanity of a woman that didn't know she could be saved;
sane;
And it is snowing again;
Heart broken to thousands of pieces, sharp as ice, cold as the winters night, as the hands that grasped her neck once;
And she was the culprit;
It started snowing again;
And this time it is all her fault.
Cold as a stone her lips were,
her tears salty as the sea;
but her eyes showed fires untamed.
And I would not break, she promised herself,
I would not break, I would not show them anything;
anything at all, no smiles, no happiness.
Deep into the night she wept,
her wails heard in the wind and caws of crows;
yet she persisted.
The morning came.
Small mystery in the sunlight, so red, so beautiful,
pretty as a picture, with her as a main character;
have she wept enough?
Have I wept enough?
Alone; alone have I waited
for the one reason to live,
or to have a better life,
alone; alone I was
'But you can never get away from yourself' my inner side told me once,
when I was so down I could drown myself in pills and suffering and alcohol.
What does it matter that I was only fourteen then, what would it matter if I
was only seven, since it was the start of my pain?
Now tell me, Socrates or Plato, or whoever is it up there and whoever from you
talked about life, why the hell is mine so messed up, why the hell am I the only
one who has barren ground in front of them while others have flowerbeds and poetry
and love and peace and laugh
My ceiling is white;
like the four falls around me;
and the floor is made of wood with
a weird shape.
Not knowing what is right and
what might be wrong, I often
found myself at the seemingly
middle ground.
It wasn't the case now;
now it's just me being this
obnoxious, loud human being
full of faults and regrets.
With a heart that was broken
one too many times;
with soul that was sold to someone
who didn't want it.
I cannot get it back now.
And that makes me livid.
Your heart, oh how your heart
called for me, how sweet was the sound.
Oh, and your eyes, how your eyes
shone so bright I couldn't look anywhere else.
And what of your hands, you wonder,
what was with your hands that I found mesmerizing?
Perhaps the fact that they could hold my own hands
and my throat at the same time.
Or perhaps I'm just as messed up as you are,
for staying with you is making me alive
but I'm feeling cold.
Everything you do affects everything there is,
I remembered, numbly staring in front of me.
Countless children under my care, always watching
with big, doe eyes, as if they knew secrets of the universe.
What of me, I wonder, what of useless child in an
adult world, adult body, with adult responsibilities.
One comes to me, big brown eyes chasing fear in mine,
she grasps my hand or sits on my knees and sleeps away.
But I still feel as if I was a rock, unchanging and cold,
lonely and dry, like something someone lost and never wanted back.
Too many snowflakes were eaten last night,
today my stomach feels like it's on fire.
It's time to eat
My time will come,
with hushed whispers of
tick - tock, tick - tock,
If I am to die,
cold, weak, and lonely,
I would not feel anger.
I am dense, an idiot,
thinking I was getting better,
thinking I was doing fine.
Hopefully, the pump that
is keeping me alive,
bursts open and I drown.
The time is coming,
the clocks are ticking,
tick - tock, tick - tock,
tick -
The sound of pills being swallowed woke up
the demon, or is it angel? who lives inside of me
Pity, it said, pity that you're so used to this
To what, I asked, popping another batch of white
friends that do not belong to me, because I like to
steal some from my mother
Hurting yourself, it tells me, hurting so much you-
Silence, please, I say.
And it agreed.
Suicide and Self-harm Prevention by Heidi, journal
Suicide and Self-harm Prevention
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Love Your Plushies (Kylo Ren) by SweetJediGirl00123, literature
Literature
Love Your Plushies (Kylo Ren)
After locking the front door you made your way to the middle of the living room to set down your bounty of goods and relieve your aching muscles. Although only one item was exclusively for you amongst the bags of merchandise. You had been doing a bit of late Christmas shopping and just happened to come across another Star Wars: The Force Awakens poster with a new dark-masked and red lightsaber bearing character while at the store. You simply couldn’t resist the opportunity.
“Alrighty,” you pulled the wrapped poster out of a bag with care and held it against your light (F/C) shirt.
You took a step backward and a frown fo